We’ve all said it at least once in our lives. If we haven’t said it we’ve thought it, and if we haven’t thought it we’ve texted it, emailed it, snap-chatted it, or liked a post about it on one social media platform or another. “Be a man.” These three words strung together in response to someone crying, or having a panic attack, or maybe needing to take an extra day of recovery from a particularly bad cold are carelessly thrown about with no awareness of the toxic, harmful, heavy weight they bear. It’s hard to say when human beings decided to correlate adjectives like strength, grit, and perseverance to exclusively describe a true “man.” On top of that, whenever a person doesn’t exhibit these traits in the ways society deems acceptable, they lose their “man” status and become someone who is weak, feeble, and pathetic. Arguably, the most damaging part of this demotion is the idea that weakness cannot exist alongside strength. Vulnerability cannot walk hand-in-hand with honor, or stoicism. You’re either one or the other. You’re either a man or you’re not.
While the overall presence of mental illness in males tends to be lower than in females, its presence is stronger than ever with an estimated 1 in 5 adult males experiencing mental illness at some point in their lives. Men are also far less likely to seek treatment for mental illness which is thought to be directly correlated with depression and suicide being the leading cause of death in males in the United States. Many of us know at least 5 men in our lives, or can think of 5 men we saw over the course of a week; a cashier, a co-worker, fitness instructor, teacher, neighbor. Now think about how at least one out of just those five is silently struggling, underneath the societal thumb that says “Be a man, get over it, it’ll pass, it’s not that bad, buck up, you’re being dramatic stop acting like a girl.” Words hold weight, and they can knock us down faster and easier than any punch.
The month of June is dedicated to raising awareness around Men’s Mental Health following its May predecessor, Mental Health Awareness Month. It should speak volumes that the world decided to dedicate another month specifically to Men’s Mental Health, and while society has made some progress in breaking the stigma surrounding this topic, we can’t take our hands off the wheel quite yet. As is the case with all friction of progress, those who resist accepting that this isn’t just a “men’s issue” continue to fuel the fire that burns across our country. “Being a Man” is not exclusively perpetuated by the community that identifies themselves as such. This is a collective issue we as a society share, and must tackle in our homes, schools, places of work, gyms etc. Creating a safe space for the men in our lives to be vulnerable, ask for help, learn new skills, and discover a world that accepts them as men regardless of their struggle isn’t just necessary, it’s imperative. It’s going to save lives.
Every month, but this month especially, the Here For You Team encourages you to check-in on the men in your life. Remember their support system, be there to listen, and help redefine what it means to “Be a Man.”
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1. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7444121/
2. Ibid